More snow, please

As the old saying goes, one picture says more than a thousand words. But if the picture in question is a crappy one, it only says some 800 words. So, as the three pictures in this post are low resolution, blurry photos taken with a mobile phone, I'll also crank out some regular words made out of letters to make this blog post 3000 words long.

In the weekend, a shitload of snow fell on southern Finland again. So I, for one, was surprised to find out that the bicycling routes were actually plowed pretty well this morning. My commute took only 5 minutes longer than usual. There were a couple of places where I had to carry the bike, though. Like this one:

This bit of light traffic pathway is often a challenging one. There's a steep ascent, under which there's a chicane consisting of two sharp turns. Apparently, the place is challenging also for maintenance vehicles, as it is usually sloppily plowed. This morning, however, the level of sloppy plowing had reached new, unforeseen heights: there was a bank of snow about one metre deep. The only way to negotiate this obstacle was to carry the bicycle, cyclocross-style, up the ascent while wading knee deep in the snow.

Of course, it's understandable that it isn't possible to plow narrow passages with a large vehicle. But how friggin' large was the vehicle that had to go around this traffic sign from the left?

It seems to me that there's no more space here on the left side of the traffic sign than there is on the right side. However, this road (Veturitie) had been plowed in a less-than-meticulous manner, i.e. all the trickier bits had just been bypassed. Well, at least in this place there were two alternative ways of advancing:
a) carry the bicycle while wading knee-deep
b) go against the stream of cars on the road.

Needless to say, all the commuters had chosen alternative b), as there were no signs of wading in the snow.

Then there's the intersection that I just love to hate:

Now, this intersection was redesigned and rebuilt some two years ago. Or perhaps it had already been designed in the 60's, when these kinds of sub-optimal solutions were favoured, and it wasn't feasible to change the plans, even though they should know better by now. Anyway, in their infinite wisdom, the designers chose to make the bike lane meander in a W shape, even though the road is totally straight. Then they added high curbs and put the lanes for pedestrians and bikes in slightly different levels to make it fancier. So, now we have an intersection that

• slows down the bicyclists
• forces the bicyclists to take sharp turns (dangerous when the road is slippery)
• is, apparently, unplowable by machine (well, they could use shovels, couldn't they?)
• has high curbs where you'd assume the bike lane goes (which may be surprising when the curbs are hidden by snow, or when there's bad visibility due to rain, fog or steamy goggles).

Also, pedestrians tend to optimize by walking in a straight line, even though the route meant for them takes turns (as you can observe in any park from the formation of paths in the grass). Therefore pedestrians usually cross the bike lane several times in this intersection, causing dangerous situations.

They should hand whoever designed this intersection a shovel and make him/her keep it rideable in the winter. Perhaps that way they'd think of maintainability when designing their next intersection.

3000!

Budget cyclist's lists of things

Yesterday there was a truck parked on the light traffic pathway, blocking all but a 30 cm strip of it. The driver had apparently pulled over there to speak on the mobile. I inched past it, cursing to myself.

Today there was a car parked on the light traffic pathway, blocking all but a 15 cm strip of it. The driver was loading some stuff in the trunk. I had to jump off and on the curb in order to get past the car. I pointed out to the driver that he'd parked on the bike lane. "Yeah, yeah", he replied.

Both of these drivers just made my list of enemies.

Budget cyclist's list of enemies (short version)

• delivery truck drivers
• people who drive black Volvo V70's
• drivers who park on the bike lane
• Harry Bogomoloff
• bus drivers
• bus passengers who hop off the bus without looking around
  
• the Public Works Department
• drivers who overtake bicyclists only to turn in front of them shortly afterwards
• city planners who put bus stops on bike lanes
  

Then there's the list of entities who I don't quite consider enemies yet, but am watching closely.

Budget cyclist's list of not-quite-trustworthy entities

• the police
• the legislators (a.k.a. The Man)
  
• teenagers
• dog owners
• SUV drivers

But I'm not totally paranoid & pessimist. I also have a list of things I like.

Budget cyclist's list of likes

• Trek Madone
• Kona
• Cat Eye bells
  
• Bike Snob NYC
• MC SpandX
• Rush
• Blair's Death Rain Habanero Chips
  

And, for the sake of completeness, there's yet another list.

Budget cyclist's list of "meh"

• everything else.
  

Communication in traffic pt. II

My daily commuting route partly follows the route of a certain bus line. It's a smallish residential street and if there are passengers getting off and on the bus at each stop, the bus goes at approximately the same average speed as a bicyclist. Sometimes my timetable collides exactly with the timetable of the bus and we both arrive at bus stops in sync. This was one of those days, and as it happens, I got into an argument with the bus driver.

At bus stop A, the bus stopped just in time to unload passengers when I arrived there. Yes, of course, the bus unloads the passengers directly on the bicycle route. It's a common practice in Finland. And, of course, the passengers just jump blindly off the bus. No one ever looks around first. I suppose that to most people, it's unimaginable that a bicyclist might actually ride on the bicycle route. At least in winter.

So, as I slalomed between the human obstacles that just materialized on my pathway, the bus driver honked at me. Ok, I have to admit, perhaps I was going slightly too fast, for demonstrative purposes. You know, in the long run, it's for the good of the passengers. Perhaps the next time they will look around before hopping off the bus.

At bus stop B, again, another herd of blind cattle jumped off the bus just in front of me. This time I rang the bell as I slalomed. The bus driver shouted from the open door: "Is this a bike lane?". "Yeah!", I replied, and proceeded to signal with my hand towards a nearby traffic sign stating that indeed, the area in which the bus stop was situated did represent the monstrosity that is known as a combined sidewalk and bicycle lane.

At bus stop C, as I approached, the bus driver opened the door again and I stopped beside the bus. I was going to say something along the lines of "Do you think I'm riding here for fun?", as I would indeed rather ride on the road, if it were legal, but before I could catch my breath he said "Well, you're required to watch out for bus passengers then", closed the door and drove off.

Well, yes, I am required to watch out for bus passengers when they wander on the bike lane. Also I shouldn't demonstrate. That was childish.

But shouldn't the bus driver also know that the thing beside the road that he drives on each day, that looks just like a sidewalk, is actually also the place where bicyclists are required, by the law, to ride on? Shouldn't the passengers also have some responsibility? Shouldn't the people who put bus stops on the bike lane be kicked in the nuts by some omnipotent authority?

Winter complaints pt. II

I sit by the window in the workplace cubicle farm, so I often get to witness the epitome of futility and a monumental grievance that is the typical way the public bicycling infrastructure is maintained in Helsinki, Finland in wintertime. First, a small vehicle plows the snow off the light traffic pathway. A moment later, two large vehicles plow the snow off the two lanes of the road, hurling it on the light traffic pathway, thus making the pathway unrideable by bicycle again.

If they're able organize the two large vehicles to clear up the road in co-operation, why can't they make the small vehicle follow the two large vehicles, so that the light traffic pathway would also be cleared? It boggles the mind.

So today I commuted back home on mostly unplowed routes, and I'm proud to announce that I'm no longer inexperienced in the esteemed area of bicycling that is falling over on your side with your feet still attached to the clipless pedals. I did that twice today. There is a type of wet snow, I'm pretty sure Eskimos have a word for it, in which the bicycle tends to suddenly swerve sideways. Especially if some areas of the snowy surface are softer than others. As I experienced, there isn't much time to detach the feet from the pedals when that happens. The previous winter I rode with flat pedals and I didn't fall over once. I guess I'll have to switch back to flat pedals again for the winter.

Surprisingly, falling over on your side with your feet attached to the pedals wasn't that painful. I suppose that it helped that the roads weren't plowed. At least there was lots of comfortable, soft snow to land upon. Actually, it was kind of fun. I definitely can see the humour in that, although at the time, I did curse a lot.

Winter complaints pt. I

As expected, winter totally surprised everyone in Finland once again. Last night, some 15 cm of snow had dropped from the sky on southern Finland. The Public Works Department got yet another chance to show just how good they are at what seems to be their core competency: not plowing the bike lanes. I guess it's up to us bicyclists to do the plowing, one 28 mm (or whatever your tyre width is) slice of bike lane at a time. Now, if we can just organize ourselves to ride in neat straight lines exactly 28 mm apart from each other...

Reason #129 why pedestrians and bicyclists should not have combined lanes: the pedestrians make the roads uneven. It is impossible to ride straight on a path trampled in snow by pedestrians. It is much easier to ride in 15 cm (or more) of untouched snow.

Even though bicycling in an unmaintained infrastructure is hard, I'm not even considering to switching to commuting by bus or car. Co-workers often seem to think that bicycling in winter is extreme. It may be extreme in the sense that riding in the snow is heavy and you have to either strain yourself or go really slow, but at least commuting by bicycle is reliable. The duration of my commute may be two (or even three) times longer in the winter than it is in the summer, but it is highly probable that I get to the destination in the estimated timeframe.

In my opinion, commuting by train or bus in the winter is extreme in the sense that their reliability has not proven to be that good. In fact, the reliability of the railroad system in wintertime has, in recent years, proven to be a joke. Buses may be more reliable than trains in the sense that they usually get to the destination, if you actually manage to get on the bus, but in my experience their schedules seem to be relatively unreliable. It is not that rare to have to wait on the bus stop for a shift that never comes.

And, of course, commuting by your own personal automobile is extreme in the sense that it is, at least in my case, slow, stressful and stupid. Also, it is unreliable, because I can never rely on finding a parking space near the workplace, and the duration of the commute depends on the heaviness of traffic. At times of heavy traffic the cars crawl slowly in queues. This has never happened on bike lanes, as far as I know.

BTW, bicycling in the snow is good exercise. Last winter my thigh muscles became larger in diameter approximately 15%. If this trend continues, next spring I'll have to don silly looking pants:

Speaking of silly garments, winter seems to have surprised, despite people, also my shoe protectors, that until now have functioned exceptionally well. This morning they apparently got scared of the snow, curled upwards and refused to cover my toes. So perhaps, come spring, this is what I'll look like:

Actually, this costume seems well suited for bicycling. The shoe protectors seem large enough to cover size 45 cycling shoes. The pants are comfortable and spacious enough to accommodate my enormous thigh musculature. The feathered hat can be worn as a helmet cover.

But then again, cyclists often wear clothes that are too soft and not sufficiently awe-inspiring to ensure their safety. I mean, car drivers avoid collisions with other cars because they know that their precious cars would be badly damaged if they hit another car. If they hit a bicyclist, perhaps the dust might be wiped off the car, but the car would most likely remain intact. But what if bicyclists started dressing up like Dimmu Borgir? No Mercedes Benz driver wants to have Shagrath sliding over their bonnet:

Future investment

My chances of ever winning the Tour de France are getting less likely each year. Come to think of it, at 35, I might never even win the white jersey. I can only blame my parents for not forcing me to practice bicycling, against my will, since childhood.

In other news, another Budget cyclist Jr. just lately emerged. As an indirect result, in the near future, my only possibility of having 15 minutes of daily solitude will be in the toilet of the workplace. I'm hoping that I may be able to spend a portion of these 15 minutes blogging about bicycling every now and then, as I'm currently doing, but I can promise nothing. Other matters may be more urgent while in the toilet. Also taking the laptop to the stall may seem suspicious to other toilet-goers.

It would be ridiculous even to assume that there could be time for actual bicycling, apart from commuting, in my daily schedule for the next two years or so. All of my time will be spent either in family-related matters or earning money to be consumed by the family.

However, I do have a cunning plan for the future regarding both family and bicycling. Along with the emergence of a new child, my likelihood of becoming a father/coach of a professional bicyclist have just doubled. The talent is there to be moulded, now it's only a matter of encouragement/coercion/brainwashing and countless hours of practice. Also, now that there is offspring of both sexes, it might be even possible to have two world champions in the family at the same time. At minimum, I'm expecting my offspring to dominate the Finnish race circuit in the near future.

On to other matters. I recently participated in "The First (and Last) Annual BSNYC/RTMS Cockpit of the Year Award" competition arranged by my idol, Bike Snob NYC. As my entry didn't end up among the finalists, I might as well publish it here:

Yeah, admittedly, it's pretty lame when compared to the other contestants. Also, the handlebar probably is installed the wrong way around because of bicycling-related cluelessness of a shop window decorator, not because of individualistic aspirations of a creative bicyclist, as this installment was spotted in a Gant clothing store window in Espoo. The pale complexions of the nonplussed onlookers is explained by the fact that they are mannequins.

Come to think of it, I don't recall ever witnessing particularly zany cockpits in the real world. Perhaps we, the Finns, are a bit conservative when it comes to bicycle customization. Or perhaps there is a law against that kind of thing.

Inverse Critical Mass

You've probably heard of those Critical Mass bicycle rides? The ones, where a large group of bicyclists assembles and rides around on the busiest routes of the city in order to point out how badly arranged traffic conditions for bicyclists are. Or whatever. That's all fine and dandy, I might even partake someday, but now I'd like to propose another kind of a Critical Mass event.

On Inverse Critical Mass days (held monthly), all the people who normally commute by bicycle, foot or public traffic, assemble at rush hour on busiest streets of the city in their personal automobiles. If they don't own one, they should rent one, borrow a tractor or a lawnmover from their neighbour, or take a taxi. All kinds of large, noisy, smelly and pollutive vehicles are approved. The automobiles should be decorated with large signs announcing slogans such as "Inverse Critical Mass", "One Less Bicycle", "TGOPFTCOPPA (The Group Of People For The Cause Of Promoting Personal Automobiling)" etc.

I'd imagine that the event would look something like this:

There is a type of driver that seems to think bicyclists in traffic are a nuisance. Perhaps Inverse Critical Mass could help them understand that anybody who chooses to ride a bike instead of a car in a crowded city is actually doing a favour for them. It would really be a nuisance if everyone always transported 2000 kg of car with them everywhere. Perhaps Inverse Critical Mass could help devoted personal automobilists appreciate bicyclists, pedestrians and public traffic users a little bit more.

One Less More Car!